Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I finally saw Garden State last night...it was totally awesome...However, I am sick and tired of watching movies that make me feel like crap...I think that I connect all too well with Zach Braff's character (Andrew Largeman)...I went to the movie with my ex-girlfriend as of 6 years ago...We were the only two people in the theater...As I was trying to digest the spoon-fed images I became somber and reflective...I felt as though I was Andrew Largeman...And though I was sitting next to someone that I felt should know me well...I was truly alone...I am not so sure she knows me at all...Maybe no one truly knows me...Andrew Largeman was 26 when he met the woman with whom he was to share the rest of his life...Maybe that's when I'll get lucky.

As a boy I thought sex would be the greatest part of marriage...As a man I have come to realize it's all about the companionship...This is what I long for...I've had plenty of amazing experiences and yet there has not been one person with whom I have been able to share them...I suppose that's part of the beauty...There will never be a time that I will be duplicating a past experience with a new individual...(unless it's making out at the beach...I've done plenty of that)...The way that Andrew meets Sam is pretty incredible...I had a similar experience almost 3 years ago...However, I never received the farewell that he did at the airport...His words were pulled out of a page of my own history-His words may have been a little more dramatic, however, I think they apply-

"You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big, but right now, I gotta go."

I am still haunted by these apparitions...Will God every fill the void or redeem this? Because all I have received from friends on this issue is a lot of bull shit answers that don't add up to a reality that I live...Instead it's one rhetorical question after another that ask, "Is God good?" Either way, I think He's good...as I am sure Job, David, and those in the desert could affirm...Yet, that did not change their situations nor did that ALWAYS provide them solace...All that to say that I am still struggling...and I can't afford to watch another movie that does not line up with reality...I suppose that's what movies are for...they are a way for us to escape the humdrum of our own heartbeat...A heartbeat that from the day of conception seeks to rest from its incessant pounding...The cinema does not provide a hope of a better life that foments my soul...Instead it provides a chasm of despair...I admire the depths of the darkness before hurling myself from my precipice.

Jason Mraz wrote on his blog recently about being real...Here's to keepin' it real...

posted by Unknown @ 9:20 PM

2 Comments:

At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

eddie,
i'm so glad you finally saw the movie and that in some ways, you did like it. i've seen it twice and each time i have taken something different away with me. you say you identify all too much with largeman, and i say that i do too. different reasons for both of us, but nonetheless, looks like we have some crap to work out, huh? i posted about it, go check it out if you have time.
i don't know what's wrong with me, but i miss you ed... a lot. i wish that you were here to talk relationship with, to advise me about things, to listen to mraz with and to just sit on the porch with your guitar and serenade me. i hope you're somewhat happy out there in cali. the early rising sounds absolutely awful to me, but i'm glad you're back in the hospital. i can't wait to hear gorey stories from the work place.
hmm. i should've just e-mailed you all this, but instead its out there for all the world to see. take care friend. hope to talk to you soon.
--kelli

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

eddo... hey its mandy. remember me? i was just listening to a little m-r-a-z and thought of you. it is not the same without you here my friend. youy are missed. maybe i did a sucky job of leeting you know this, but i appreciate you. you always seemed to be able to have a real conversation with me. even in community you don't always get that. i hope we can keep in touch.

oh yeah, i also just saw garden state. loved it. can't really tell you why, but i did. later, mandy taylor

 

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