Long time no Blog...
This month has just zipped on by...No real news...Still waiting...However, I just wanted to share some spiritual stuff with everyone...I have been in a real dark place lately...It's like my address has been 666 Sheol Circle. However, receiving sobering news about a loved one has helped realign my focus. I know a wonderful woman who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer...Please pray for her...
The Beaten Path:
So I believe I have mentioned this on more than one occasion...my cyclical spiritual life...still haven't internalized the fundamentals in order to truly change my life...I am learning a lot...I think that in the last couple of weeks the Lord has been teaching me the importance of discipline.
I read the "Spirit of the Disciplines" a year ago...However, the principles that I read about then are starting to resurface. For example, if I am thinking, dreaming, fantasizing about what I could be, then inevitably I will be self absorbed and unable to be a spiritual pillar upon which others can lean...If my body is not in line with daily worship...then my spirituality is reduced to my thoughts on who God is...If my body and mind are not obedient to who the Lord wants me to be then I find my self all out of sorts.
Maybe there are those that need to partake in these disciplines less frequently than I do...I know many followers of Jesus that are so much better at loving the Lord and others and seem to spend very little time in His Word. I cannot do this...in fact being in His Word everyday is not even enough for me...Maybe I should become a monk...I have a very difficult time being a follower unless I am completely immersed in study, prayer, and service...I know that our lives are to be glorifying to God even in the mundane repetition that is life...I agree...I don't think I should have to escape to Lhasa in order to find the peace and joy that only He can provide...However, I am realizing more and more that I am that depraved...It's seems as though I have the ultimate spiritual ADD...Once I engage in work my thoughts are focused in that direction...I rarely think about God and how He can impact or change my work place, the people that I am surrounded by, my attitude, my circumstances, etc....
Synopsis:
Through that murky stream of consciousness here's the jist...I am not a very good follower of Jesus...I want to be nothing more than engrossed in Him...May He be my lover, my comforter, provider, source of joy and peace...
I wrote this song...(music and all)...it's not very cohesive, but it'll work for now...May He speak to you through His Word...
Oh, how I love, love, love, love the Lord...
I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice,
Oh Lord let em' hear and rejoice.
So sing joyfully to the Lord...it is fitting for us to praise Him...
Praise the Lord with the harp;
Make music to Him on the lyre and may we never tire...
Sing to Him a new song and shout for joy...
That we may employ the love that He has granted...
And share that with the nations that He has planted
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long...
I decided to write you this song.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped, as in the heat of the desert summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions, for I have learned my lesson,"
So please forgive me the guilt of my sin, Oh Lord.
SELAH, SELAH, SELAH, La la la la de de dah...
Chorus
Inspired and plagiarized from Psalm 34:1-3, Psalm 32:3-5, Psalm 331-3. (Still a work in progress)
May you as the Catholic church connect with Him today...If you must settle for second best connect with someone that is connected with Him...(Make sense?)
5 Comments:
thanks for sharing all this with us ed. i am sad that i didn't get to talk to you about it on the phone the other day, sorry i had to go so fast.
it makes me really happy to see you processing things like this and to see you being positive and driven about a relationship with Christ. i know you've had quite a journey over the years and especially in recent months, but it encourages me to see you trying more.
take care friend...
kelli
hey eddie,
thanks for your written transparency. when i read something like that it rustles my sleeping discipline.
thanks,
bekah =)
Hey Eddie.
It's Nikki- Your sister. I missed seeing you Thanksgiving day. That sucked. We need to spend more time together. I will have to call you soon and we should plan a day to hang out. I like having a brother. Nice song, by the way. Alright, well, have a nice night. See you soon, hopefully.
Love,
Nikki
Ed,
I love reading your blog. You make me want to be a better man. Wait.....anyway, I will be venturing out to the left coast in March, hopefully. However, if my brothers graduation (from the French Culinary Institute) happens at that time, it wont be until the summer. Crazy but true. I feel a bit stranded. No car. No money. I need a hug. I need a healthy dose of crack.
xoxoxoxo
Bro, I am noticing that I am the only male to comment here. Ohhhh...I'll leave you guys alone.....eddie, eddie, eddie, eddie.....
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